


Only Fools Fall (Crash and Burn)

by AmbroseRivers



Series: The Things You've Said. [6]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012! Phan, Alcohol, Anger, Angst, M/M, Pining, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbroseRivers/pseuds/AmbroseRivers
Summary: Things you said that made me feel like shitOR: It's Phil's fault and he can't do anything about it.





	Only Fools Fall (Crash and Burn)

**Author's Note:**

> ...guess who doesn't upload for a while and comes back with a short thing because she can't concentrate? This person!  
>  These are your WARNINGS: Alcohol use and mentions of the V-Day video, if that makes you uncomfy.

He’s huddled against the dryer, curled against the vibrating machine. His hair is damp and it sticks to his forehead in greasy curls and Phil sighs as he kneels beside his motionless form.

“Dan?” Phil calls, hand hovering over his flatmate’s body uncertainly for a moment, before it lands on Dan’s shoulder firmly. “Dan. You need to get up, mate.”

The bottle of Malibu is tipped on its side.

The air is saturated with the stench of its contents and the poison coats the inside of his nose and drifts across his tongue as he tries to rouse Dan from his stupor.

Phil knows he is awake because his eyes are open, blinking sluggishly, but his gaze is void of any emotion.

His heart gallops a bit faster but the heat that has been simmering in his blood as of late blazes all at once, snapping what little thread of patience he harbors.  “I can’t _believe_ you, Dan. Get the fuck up.” Phil jerks to his full height abruptly, a handful of Dan’s dark shirt clenched in his balled fist.

Dan lets himself be dragged like a rag doll with only a small mewl of protest. His head lolls to the side, squeezing his eyes shut as tight as possible.

Phil doesn’t want to be worried.

Phil doesn’t want the rush of concern that floods his veins as tears start trickling from under Dan’s fluttering lashes. He doesn’t want the impulse to stroke those messy tendrils of chocolate hair comfortingly or the subconscious reaction that has him lowering Dan back to his side with a gentle, “Danny?”

The name numbs his senses even more than the strong fumes he’s breathing and it burns his throat worse than any whiskey or rum ever could.

It carries the poison of the love that has turned bitter between them, the sting of opportunities loss, and the headiness of now forbidden desire and... Dan responds to it instantly.

“N-n-no,” Dan slurs and he attempts to push himself up, pressing his weight on his elbow, before he groans. He rests his forehead on his wrist, breathing heavily. “You dun’ get ta cal-l me that anymore.”

Phil knows that he’s crossed a line but the reprimand still hurts and he can’t help the way his teeth dig into his lower lip to keep the burning at the corners of his eyes at bay. “I—”

“I w-was-“ Dan hiccuped, dissolving into giggles.

He clawed shakily at the face of the dryer and his fingertips caused a high pitch squeak that made Phil bite his lip harder, wincing at the leftover ringing in his ears. Dan didn’t seem to notice as he finally got himself upright- his long body crushed against the warm, pulsating metal that was probably not helping the pounding headache Phil was almost one-hundred percent sure he had. “I was so h-appy when I met you.”

Dan smushes himself even closer to the appliance and Phil’s heart crumbles at the way Dan is nearly cowering from him.

_Since when have you wanted to get away from me?_

_When did that happen?_

“So happy,” Dan whispers brokenly. “I-“ The vowel was stretched out and Dan’s fingers scrabbles against the slippery surface he is lounging on, trying to keep himself up. “I was even happier when I kissed you and you-“ Dan flopped his right hand in his general direction and Phil is not prepared for those red-rimmed, water-filled eyes to focus on him with such clarity. “You _actually_ kissed back. Oh my _god. You kissed me back.”_

Dan is smiling but his lips are trembling and it’s so incredibly pained that Phil lets out a strangled noise, unbidden.

_They are looking out over Manchester as the sun is getting ready to sleep, dressing the sky in brilliant swathes of rose, lilac, and crimson._

_“Have I told you,” Phil is chattering to the shy boy beside him animatedly, trying to ignore the sweat coating his palms, and the fluttering of his racing heart. He’s desperate to make an impression, wrestling between giving Dan the person he has been watching for years while also being true to himself because what kind of person would he be if he pretended? “That I’ve always wanted to live in Manchester?”_

_“Have you really?” Dan’s lips are quirked in one corner amusedly and Phil’s mouth dries up._

_“Yea—” He tries to answer but he’s interrupted by warm hands on his cheeks and the soft press of dry, rough lips on his own._

_His words die a swift death because Dan is kissing him and if his heart was fluttering before, it is absolutely threatening to burst through his rib-cage and fly away--_

_Dan is moving to pull away and Phil chases his mouth, cupping his left cheek in his palm and dropping his left hand to squeeze his hip reassuringly._

_Dan gasps at their second kiss and Phil grins, tongue brushing Dan’s lower lip lightly._

“Dan,” Phil rasps and he’s not sure if he’s asking for Dan to shut up because he can’t stand the bittersweet pang of wanting in his chest or if he’s asking him to continue so his heart can be properly shattered so he can stop being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of affection that still lingers for the red-cheeked boy in front of him.

“An-and…” Dan laughs, but it is brittle and mangled. He brings his fingers to lay over the bridge of his nose to shield his eyes. The motion throws him a bit off balance and he slips down a bit. “I was-s-s ok-ay with denying everything when the video leaked.”

Phil stares at him and the words drift past the barrier of his teeth without his consent. “I’m sorry.”

Dan suddenly hauls himself to his feet, swaying violently. “No! You’re not!” He cuts himself off with a high whine, cradling his head in his palm with a serpentine hiss. “You got fucking scared because you care more about what people can say about you than your fucking relationship!”

Phil stumbles back from Dan with traitorous tears streaking down his cheeks and he wants to deny it, wants to scream that Dan has no fucking idea what he’s talking about but he can’t.

He can’t…

He can’t because he was the one who asked him to pretend, to deny, to lie while he took down every last copy he could find because what would people do with that information?

His channel was family friendly and how would being with Dan—loving Dan—affect the career he had built for himself?

Phil says nothing, droplets falling from the point of his chin, as Dan glares at him, sniffling violently.

“And the fucked up thing about this is I'm still absolutely fucking gone for you.” Dan took a step forward and he wobbled dangerously so Phil reached out instinctively, prepared to catch him...just in case he started to topple over. “Don’t touch me—” Dan growled dangerously, slapping his hand away, before stomping clumsily to the only escape from this confrontation, this hell.

He slammed into the doorframe with a harsh breath.

“I would still give anything for you to love me more than the persona you are so concerned about…” His glassy eyes flicked to the empty rum bottle and the whirring dryer with a wisp of an exhale.

“I just wanted to go back to Manchester for a bit. Sorry about the mess...I'll..." Dan drew in a shuddering breath. "...clean it up in the morning."

He smears Phil’s heart under his heel as he leaves to clamber up the insurmountable stairs back to their flat and…

There is nothing he can do about it because it really is all his fault.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi if you want! My Tumblr: loveinthebones.  
> This story is cross-posted.


End file.
